FIND YOUR VOICE
Find Your Voice
a Kundalini Disco genesis
Image by Nadine Freniere
This past weekend I was blessed and so honored to be invited as Ruby Warrington and Alexandra Roxo's guest for their Moon Club's Find Your Voice retreat at Kripalu Yoga Center. It was an obvious reminder to me how the evolution and process of Kundalini Disco™️ has really pushed me out of my shell. It has opened me up and each session continues to crack me open wider, to share more, to be more, to love my Self and all that comes with it more. As a self-proclaimed introvert most of the time, I would not say it has been a super comfortable process but definitely one that I cherish as a DEEP teacher.
Kundalini Disco simply began as me on the sideline DJing for other incredible Kundalini yoga teacher's such as Rainer Perry (NY) and Aimee Bello (LA) who understood the power of rhythm and dance. This I was comfortable with. When DJing I am in my element, usually in the dark and off to the side. It has since evolved into me having to step center stage into the spotlight to guide rhythmic and soulful experiences through the body set to neo-sacred sounds, to awaken and open hearts to prime them to connect deeper in sexy and social settings. When I was living in LA in 2013 I began craving exactly this sort of experience.
TRIGGER: Soundtrack - KCRW Midnight Ecelectic, J Dilla, Flying Lotus, experimental beats
I was living by myself at the time in a studio apartment in Koreatown - the absolute best way to get to know yourself FYI. I was working at dispensaries in Hollywood and in the hood, smoking a ton of weed, eating Pop Tarts for dinner and drinking a lot. In an effort to numb the distant and recent past I had forgotten what truly nourished me.
I wasn't yet tapped into any "wellness" community outside of attending Power Yoga East classes when I could donate and was feeling pretty contracted. I wasn't quite confident to meet new people even if there was a thriving community right around the corner. I was going through some deep familiar stuff, past traumas and transformations. The uncomfortable morphing - shedding of skins - finally forced to sit with depression rather than resist, run and numb.
TRAUMA: Soundtrack - a lot of Tupac, Kendrick Lamar, J Cole, Joey Badass
My older brother was killed at 23 years old in Iraq while serving in the Army when I was 16. Some of my favorite memories are driving around in his obnoxiously yellow Dodge Neon bumping Bone Thugs n Harmony, 50 Cent, Ludacris and more so loud the back seat rattled. The ripple effects of this "loss" led to great pain, drug use, existential inquiries and huge realizations and continues to ripple through my family's life on a constant basis especially his daughter's.
A few months into my moving to LA at 21 my father passed away from kidney failure, he was only 57. An avid drinker and addict, prophetic Pisces, he did proclaim that his fate would be the same as his father's and so too he left us too soon. I grew up going to Alonon and rehab centers as he tried multiple times to detox only to relapse when the pain became overwhelming. (Back pain, emotional pain, past life pain, hypersensitivities, intuitive insights before his time etc). A descendant of numerous addicts, genetically you could say I was "predisposed" to the same. Some of my fondest memories with him are sitting on his lap on a typical drunken night while he blasted Prince, The Beatles, Steely Dan, The Eagles, Lynrd Synrd etc.
Around this time I was blogging for the Curators of Fresh - HardKnockTV and really HipHop had become my muse, my healer and my inspiration to start DJing. It was also my therapist when I refused to go to a Gold Star counselor when my mother offered numerous times. To me talk therapy seemed silly. Needless to say I have come to understand the power of giving these things a voice.
AWAKENING: Soundtrack - Funk, Soul and Old School Hip Hop
I reached a point of such internal aggravation and external outbursts that I exclaimed to a good friend "I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN!" She then generously connected me with her healer. At 23 - I stopped smoking - I stopped drinking - I stopped having sex - I turned vegan. I was still DJing but I wasn't dancing enough. I would basically go to a gig - be surrounded by people - come home to be alone - isolate - sleep, sleep and sleep some more. The healer suggested a cleanse first and foremost - he said you must start with this juice recipe every morning for 10 days. I said "juice? like fresh juice? How am I going to afford $8 per morning for fresh juice?!" I began to have a melt down. So I got a job as a cashier at Whole Foods in Brentwood for the discount.
I also enrolled in digital music production at Icon Collective in Burbank. I was living with about 6 men at this time in West LA and at school I was the only woman in my class of about 20. Surrounded by testosterone, I was craving authentic feminine connections. So another internal exclamation - "I want to be surrounded by powerful women, by goddesses!" - I got fired from Whole Foods for being late too many times - had the clarity to know I wanted to do a yoga teacher training - but didn't know what kind (so many options). I started applying at different yoga studios in Venice and Santa Monica - the second studio I dropped my resume off to was Golden Bridge Yoga. I had never done kundalini yoga and this was a kundalini yoga studio...
GESTATION: Soundtrack - World music and mantra
While working at every location of Golden Bridge Yoga's from Santa Monica to Hollywood to NYC in the years to follow I devoured books, took as many classes and seva'd as many workshops, attended as many gong baths and breathe work sessions as I could. I was hooked and I was healing myself. 2 years later in 2015 , 2 months after moving to NYC, I completed my teacher training in Rishikesh with Gurmukh and Amanbir Singh only to return to NYC, an unfamiliar place, no friend groups or social structures that knew me or attached me to my past - nothing to attach myself to really. I had not yet established anything - I had no DJ gigs lined up, I wasn't coaching basketball (as I had formerly done in LA), I wasn't yet teaching yoga classes in New York. I wasn't necessarily doing any of the things I had previously identified with so my identity fell into a process of reconfiguration. I was raw, a blank slate, ready for new beginnings.
It took about a year for me to ground after my teacher training as the high frequency of NYC is a Guru as well. I continued and continue to work with Paramatma Siri Sadhana (gong and kundalini yoga master) in NYC, exploring the depths of the sacred sound current, of mantra in reverent and modern ways and of myself as a human broadcast system.
REBIRTH: Soundtrack - Soulful disco, house, tribal house, deep house, cumbia, tech house, electronic
Returning full circle, full cycle, orbiting this entire process back into rhythm with my divine self has allowed me to connect with myself again, to feel like myself again.
This realization, us as human broadcast systems - as we are all amplifying and receiving at all times, and more specifically me as a DJ and of my power and responsibility to be intentional with my work led me to dive deeper into my purpose of delivering “wellness” experiences via sound and music. To unite people with their best selves, their highest selves, for them to feel like themselves. Cultivating spaces to connect with our Truth and our Oneness. In my mind, THIS is the true essence of yoga.
Within my process I was noticing my purpose...
PURPOSE: Soundrack ~ Prayer
I still love nightlife vibes and value the power of celebration, dance and community. I wanted to find a balance, where I could do all the weird kundalini things that allowed me to make myself feel so good by myself with my friends. A place to be so utterly in reverent rhythm with myself while in community that we transcended time and space and amplified this feeling of oneness. To be able to share this experience and these teachings with the homies who might not even be into "yoga." To do all these things in sexy settings outside of the boundaries of the "yoga studio" to a sensual soundtrack that authentically spoke to my soul.
I was inspired, overflowing and had no idea what I was doing. Guided by the understanding of rhythm and the power of united intention, the proof from science and the knowing that when energy is highly synchronous and patterned it is profoundly more powerful, Kundalini Disco™️ pulsated from my fingertips on the 6 train platform through a text message and into the universe. The seed was planted and it is sprouting, growing and each session is nourished by the light and sparkle of all who participate.
Lo and behold the luminous disco ball has been a Guru in itself, shining a light on darkness: fears of judgement, inadequacy, self-doubt, imposter syndrome and so much more. To be fully transparent and quite honest - I have never shared this much of this story with anyone (and there is much more to it) - bits and pieces come through each Kundalini Disco or sometimes not at all and the focus is on the present experience but I feel the deep well of this beginning to overflow and wanting to see the light...
GRATITUDE: Soundrack ~ Breathe
Kundalini Disco™️ exists to allow you to experience the essence of your sparkle. To reignite any sparks within you that had been put out. It exists as a safe space for you to feel life to its fullest and to connect to the depths of your darkness. To bring a lightness to it. To bring joyful breathe. To vibe with your authentic rhythms in community to amplify your purest intentions and set free any limitations that have dimmed your vibrancy. To contribute to the collective disco ball.
The bio-chemical experience of Kundalini Disco™️ is different for everyone. The intention is the embodiment of light, harmony and the amplification of life sparkling through every cell. It is a sensual and rhythmic experience of your breathe and body set to modern beats. Applying the powerful technology of kundalini yoga and meditation as taught by Yogi Bhajan in sexy settings we intentionally breathe and move with purpose for holistic well-being, connection and community. A safe space to move and groove with your highest intentions and socialize with spirit.
Thank you to the OG (original guru) Yogi Bhajan for going rogue and devoting your life to sharing these once previously secret teachings to the west, to bring royalty, grace and kindness back into the hearts of the masses and eternal gratitude to all the OG's along the Golden Chain for sharing these teachings, speaking these truths and spreading the light. Thank you to my teachers Paramatma Siri Sadhana, Aimee Bello, Rainer Perry, Amanbir Singh and Yogi Brent, Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa and Golden Bridge Yoga Center. Thank you to everyone who has the courage to show up for the unknown, to dive deep into your darkness, find your light and share it with the world. Thank you to Ruby for continuously supporting the movement and evolution of Kundalini Disco and thank you to the Moon Club for inviting me to be a part of your Find Your Voice retreat,
SHINE YOUR LIGHT AND MEET ME IN THE DARKNESS.
((( <3 )))